road trip USA

Canyons of your mind - the aztec butte-t

Of an evening after a long day hard at work behind the wheel, it's a mixed blessing to turn on the tv. If I have the energy to wade through 99 channels (frequently without a channel listing in the motel room) I am often rewarded with the NBA (basketball) playoffs. To those non-fans, this is the ultimate in basketball - that is if, like me, you are stranded on the wrong side of The Pond on 18th May, which is Finals Day for the Aztecs Basketball Club back in Old Blighty. Happily, I managed to find a suitable photo opportunity for this momentous occasion.

YOU AZTEC BEAUT-TIES

I have just heard that the Aztecs Lads and Lassies have done us proud, winning the Mens Cup, the Ladies Plate, and finishing as runners up in the Men's Plate. Add to that both the Men's and the Ladies' First Division Championships, and we are cooking on gas, man! Eat your heart out, LeBron...

Stat attack

However, back to the US: one of the downsides of watching US sport is the obsession with statistics. I'm a fairly bright guy, but I have been completely left behind when the CNN sports news starts on about So-and-So's history-busting baseball averages... The Beeb barely gives a mention to goal difference in soccer (sorry, football) even when we are one game from disaster (Chelsea winning [sorry, read "buying"] the Premiership, and it might all rest on Man Utd's infinitely superior goal difference... the point being that this goal difference shows just HOW superior they've been to Chelsea all season. Meanwhile, every break in the basketball, or baseball (which isn't already filled with commercials) goes to the American equivalent of Alan Hansen and Mark Laurenson for an in-depth analysis of So-and-So's free-throw shooting average, which is down 2% points since the end of the regular season. And I can't even repeat the baseball stats in case one of you dies of boredom and I get sued.

Has the law gone batty?

Speaking of baseball, and getting sued, in the news today are the unfortunate parents of a schoolboy who was hit in the chest by a baseball whilst playing in a Little League game. His heart stopped, and although revived, he has suffered permanent and serious disability. So - let's guess - who is getting sued? The batter? The club? The minor league organisers? The umpires?

Drop Dead Gorge-ous Colorado and Utah

I'll reveal all shortly: meanwhile, I feel I should give a mention to my 2 fave states, at least of the moment. In the previous page, I spoke of Colorado's allure, and I hadn't even got to its Canyons; The Royal Gorge, Garden of the Gods, the Black Canyon of the Gunnison (which is like a more compact, brooding version of the Grand Canyon) and Colorado National Monument. All of these canyons and buttes (pronounced beauts) make for wonderful viewing.

The Black Canyon was flickering and resounding to the long, rolling rumbling of a big thunderstorm, which wasn't great for photos, but was hugely memorable - at which point the heavens opened, and lashed the canyon with a pretty brutal hailstorm.

The Colorado National Monument is another great vista of canyons and gorges, red cliffs and rivers. Please see the piks in the Colorado Album. It also features the accurately named Cold Shivers Point - more on that next blog.

Jack the Clipper

Into Utah, and the canyons, cliffs and gorges just keep on coming. But first: its time for a haircut. The beautifully named Jack The Clipper beckons. Jack is actually known as Beverly when she isn't working. When I walk in, there are several people waiting, but on the basis that this is my 3rd attempt (the 2 previous barbers were closed) and I need to be looking at my best for Mrs T's arrival, I decide to join the line.

Shortly afterwards, another customer walks in, and seems well known to those around me. On seeing the queue, he asks Bev when to come back - shes suggests 30 mins.

5 minutes later, he pops in again, and says to us - "Guys, I've got an irresistable offer for you - I need to get to Washington, I'm all of a rush, and I'll pay for all of your haircuts if you'll let me jump the queue." He seems nice enough, and as I've got All The Time in The World, I give him my slot - and there's no need for him to pay for me. The other client says likewise.

So John Merz steps up, has his haircut, and talks very interestingly about his pal who he'd just seen, who had been a pilot in the US Navy: shot down over Vietnam twice - once over land, and his ground forces rescued him, and once over water. Apparently he found himself surrounded by what looked like mats of weed, but turned out to be colonies of venomous seasnakes - and had he known that, he said he'd have tried to make it back and crashland on the carrier deck! He had to fend off a marauding Vietcong motorboat with his service pistol until the carrier rescue helicopter got to him and drove it off. It was worth the price of the haircut just to hear all this, but he insists on paying for me anyway, and off he dashes with profuse thanks for letting him through. I gather from Bev that he is a Big Man locally, but real nice, and that shows in his style.

Haircut 100 (%)

Beverly and I then demonstrate the concept of 2 nations divided by a common language, as we struggle to match barber vocabulary. We eventually believe that we understand each other's definitions of the "Grade" of cut, as the US and UK Grade 2 seem to be the same. (Should have known better after examining the US and UK gallons...) I receive a US Grade 2, which is by a long way the shortest cut of my life, and my basketball friends Andy, Alex and Graham would be right proud of me. heaven knows what Mrs T will make of it - but it's all in the cause of Anglo-American friendship, and if I can advance the cause of the Special Relationship, Gordon, I'm proud to have served....

Bev is a character, keeping all of us entertained with an account of her new Harley Davidson, on which her dad has shortened the mounts so that she can get both feet on the ground. She says it improves the handling - I promise to give Charles that tip in the hope that he will add a Harley to his already huge collection of bikes.

I promised to give a mention to Sergio, the nice guy in the cap, who didn't need a haircut, and seemed to be hanging out for the chat, plus Doug (above) and Nicole and the 4 Clipper Nippers who gave me such a warm goodbye that it was hard to leave. (You know, you wave, and they wave back, you say goodbye, they do the same, and wave again, so you wave back, and so on ad infinitum...)

Actually I believe the haircut is very smart, so thanks Bev. This was one of those warm human experiences (unlike my next trip: I am headed for the Black Canyon of the Gunnison, and I don't realise that it's going to be sub zero, and the cut proves very chilly...)

This is 2" of hail, not snow.

I'm right out of time now if I'm to meet my publisher's deadline, so if you want to know who is being sued over that baseball hit, you'll have to tune into the next gripping installment of Mr Tripper's Road Trip USA.

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